Jill unpacks a common misconception: that you have to serve as Executor just because your name appears in a Will. She explains when, and how, you can decline the role while still protecting family relationships and yourself.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
You Have a Choice. Just because you’re named in a Will doesn’t mean you’re required to serve. Each state has a process to determine who can step in if you decline.
Executor vs. Personal Representative. Understand the difference between these roles and why “personal representative” is the broader term that includes Executors appointed by a Will and others chosen by the court.
How the Priority List Works. Jill walks through Michigan’s hierarchy for who can serve as personal representative, from those named in the Will, to surviving spouses, beneficiaries, heirs, creditors, and, finally, the public administrator.
What Happens If No One Steps Up. Learn what it means when a creditor, or even the state, takes over estate administration, and what that process looks like in real life.
The Emotional Side of Saying No. Being named Executor can feel like an honor or an obligation, especially for those raised to always “show up” for family. Jill shares why it’s okay to say no, or to say yes, with conditions that protect your time and well-being.
Resources & Links
Check out Jill’s probate and estate administration support services
Submit a question for Tuesday Triage
Connect with Jill:
Did you enjoy this episode? Share it with someone you care about.
The Death Readiness Podcast
Episode: 37
Title: Why You Don’t Have to Take the Executor Job
Host: Jill Mastroianni (Solo)
Published: October 7, 2025
Jill Mastroianni (00:00):
If you’re named as Executor, are you required to serve—or can you say no? That’s what we’re unpacking today, thanks to a great question from Lola in Michigan.
Welcome to the Death Readiness Podcast. This is not your dad’s estate planning podcast. I’m Jill Mastroianni, former estate attorney, current realist, and your guide to wills, trusts, probate and the conversations no one wants to have. If your Google search history includes, “Do I need a trust?” “What exactly is probate?” and “Am I supposed to do something with mom’s Will?” you’re in the right place.
During my years as an estate planning attorney, people often confided in me: “I know I’m named as Executor—but I don’t want to do it. The estate’s going to be a disaster.”
(00:55) If you’re not sure what this role means, let’s start with a quick definition: When someone dies, the Executor is the person named in their Will and is generally in charge of wrapping up their affairs, like filing a final tax return, paying, bills, and making sure things controlled by the Will go where they’re supposed to.
My response to people overwhelmed by being named to serve as Executor was always the same: “You don’t have to do it.” And every time, they were surprised.
Even my husband was surprised. Before I decided to answer this question on Tuesday Triage, I asked him: “If someone named you to serve as Executor, do you think you’d have to serve?” His response was: “I guess I would if I agreed to it.” When I told him that even if he agreed, he still didn’t have to do it, he was surprised. And I was surprised that he was surprised.
(01:49) It reminded me of law school. There was a lot of pressure on students to enter a legal writing competition and get onto a journal. Being on a journal involved spending hours upon hours editing long legal articles that hardly anyone would ever read. Supposedly, being on a journal was the golden ticket to a clerkship with a judge and, ultimately, a “successful” legal career.
So, I entered the competition, made it onto a journal, and immediately hated it. It was tedious, anxiety-inducing, and draining, especially with everything else going on in my life at the time. My stomach was in knots.
So I quit.
Everyone thought I’d made a catastrophic mistake that would ruin my legal career, everyone except my law school roommate. She told me it didn’t matter what people thought and that I needed to take care of myself. She was right. I still built a career I loved. And, not once did an interviewer ever ask why I wasn’t on a journal in law school.
(02:48) I’m not saying you should walk away from every responsibility. But I am saying: sometimes, what you’ve been told you must do isn’t actually mandatory. Sometimes the right answer is stepping back with reason, objectivity, and self-compassion.
Now let’s get to today’s question from Lola in Michigan. Lola is aware that certain older relatives have named her to serve as Executor of their estate. She also knows that they have not taken steps to “get their affairs in order” so as to enable Lola to effectively serve in this role.
A lot of people panic when they see their name in legal documents. They think, “Oh no, I’m trapped.” But you’re not. Just because your name shows up in a Will doesn’t mean you’re stuck. We live in a free society—no one can force you to serve as Executor.
Each state has a legal process that lists, in order, who’s eligible to step in and serve instead as personal representative if the named Executor can’t do it or doesn’t want to do it.
(03:54) You might have noticed I just used the term personal representative. That’s the broader legal term for the person who manages a deceased person’s estate. It includes both Executors and others appointed by the court. So, if you’re named in a Will, you’re specifically the Executor. If you’re appointed by the court when there’s no Will—or the named person declines—you’re still a personal representative. Same responsibilities, just a different way of getting the job.
So, let’s walk through what declining to serve looks like in real life. Someone will eventually do the job, even if it’s someone appointed by the court whose working for the county or the state.
In my Will, I appoint my husband, Jeremy, to serve as Executor. If he can’t or doesn’t want to, then my backup choice is my friend Erin. And that’s it—I didn’t name anyone else.
So, what happens if both Jeremy and Erin say no? We turn to the probate code for my state of residence, which is Michigan.
(04:58) And like other states, Michigan has a kind of “priority list” for who can step in as personal representative if the named people don’t serve, subject to the probate court’s approval.
Here’s how that list works in order of priority:
(06:57) So, if still no one steps forward, Michigan law says we wait 42 days—yes, 42, a strangely specific number—and then a creditor of the estate can step in and nominate someone to serve.
That means a creditor could end up running the show. A creditor might be a hospital with unpaid medical bills. It could be your landlord if your lease runs past your date of death. Or even your Aunt Sue, if you owed her money on that “no rush to pay me back” personal loan.
And if no creditor steps in, then after 63 days—or earlier if the court thinks there’s some urgency—the state or county public administrator can be appointed to serve.
So, if no family member or beneficiary is willing or able to serve, the court doesn’t just throw up its hands and do nothing. Instead, it turns to a public administrator—someone the county or state designates to step in. Their job is to handle the estate in a neutral, by-the-book way: pay bills, collect assets, file taxes, and distribute what’s left according to the law.
(08:08) Administering an estate is a heavy responsibility. It’s stressful, complicated, and even more overwhelming if the person whose estate it is hasn’t gotten everything in order and made sure the legal documents are current and clear.
You might want to serve as Executor out of love, wanting to give back to a parent or other loved one who gave you so much, or honoring the trust someone has placed in you by naming you for such an important role. It can feel like a compliment and an honor to be the one chosen, and many of us were raised to show up for family, at whatever cost.
If you’re asked to serve and you want to help, but you can already see the challenges, don’t just quietly shoulder the burden.
Have a conversation. Share your concerns. Be honest about what you would need in order to serve well.
(09:00) Because saying yes doesn’t have to mean saying yes under any circumstances. It can mean saying yes, but only if the conditions are right for you to do the job well and protect yourself in the process.
And if you’re listening and find yourself the named Executor, or are already serving as an executor or personal representative, you don’t have to do it alone. My Probate and Estate Administration Support Services are designed to help you stay organized, manage tasks efficiently, and coordinate with professionals so the process moves forward smoothly.
Learn more at deathreadiness.com/services. That’s deathreadiness.com/services. The link is in the show notes.
Thanks to Lola for asking today’s Tuesday Triage question.
If you have a question you’d like me to answer on future Tuesday Triage episode, submit it at deathreadiness.com/tuesdaytriage. That’s deathreadiness.com/tuesdaytriage. The link is in the show notes.
(10:05) This is Death Readiness, real, messy and yours to own. I’m Jill Mastroianni and I’m here to help you sort through it, especially when you don’t know where to start.
Hi, I'm April, Jill's daughter. Thanks for listening to The Death Readiness Podcast. While my mom is an attorney, she’s not your attorney. The Death Readiness Podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. It does not provide legal advice. For legal guidance tailored to your unique situation, consult with a licensed attorney in your state. To learn more about the services my mom offers, visit DeathReadiness.com.